Archive for December, 2014

A Piece of Peace

2014 was a year of jigsaw puzzles. The old-fashioned hard-copy kind brought together family and friends on many occasions. It’s almost impossible to overlook the metaphor for life. For our card this year we put together a 1000-piece puzzle of the scene at Rockefeller Center, taking a photo before and after. Then we undid it, and sent a piece with this card to everyone on our list. If you’d like a piece, email me with your address!

It might be too-John-Lennon a sentiment, but imagine if we could all get together with our pieces and put the world back together.

This year’s card from me (vague idea) and The Cable Guy (everything else to bring it to life).For God is not a God of confusion, but of Peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33

Wishing you all a happy holiday season.

Yo Ho Ho

There was one and only one fun thing about the holiday season in my house as a kid. It wasn’t Santa Claus (never heard of him/it until I was too old to believe in one). It wasn’t the decorated tree that I wasn’t allowed to touch, or the overall Italian version of Scrooge-mood that prevailed in the house.

Before I could take it in my own hands, the best thing about Christmas was my cousin, Yolanda.

She died a couple of years ago, and I’m left with wonderful memories of the cousin who made my Christmas merry.

Yolanda was an artist. Wow! Fifteen years older than me, Yolanda flew around the town with the flair of an independent young woman that I could only marvel at. I didn’t realize how unusual that was for a single woman in the fifties.

She worked in Boston, the big city, for Fredericks of Hollywood, arranging their window displays. She’d also do sketches of models wearing clothes and furs from other stores, and a few days later we’d see them in the newspaper.

Could any job be more glamorous?

This was her Christmas present to us every year: at some undetermined hour during the first two weeks in December, Yolanda would visit the homes of all her aunts, uncles, and cousins. We never knew when she’d come, but we’d each wake up one morning during that time to find our storm doors painted in holiday décor. Snowflakes, silver ornaments, red and green bells, golden candles, candy canes, wreaths and stockings—all had been carefully drawn all over the panes of glass.

We knew Yo had been there!

We figured she came in the middle of the night, but, after all, we were in bed by 8, so she might have come at 8:10!

I have many more memories of Yolanda. Her belly-laugh-funny quirk of putting things back into the boxes they came in after each use. Soap, for example! Toothpaste! Glue!

Yolanda married in her thirties (late for those days) and outlived her husband, a Boy Scouts of America exec, working well into her eighties.

That she was able to support herself as an artist was in itself a feat.

She had many accomplishments, like being the artist of record in towns in New York and Florida. This article appeared in the Finger Lakes Times when her work was put on permanent display in the Geneva, New York, City Hall.

http://www.fltimes.com/news/article_b3ea0dd7-96e1-50b8-8148-5e327c8d3e59.html

But what I cherish most is that Yolanda gave me the gift of Christmas. I knew that she loved me enough to share her art and her delightful laugh at a time when laughs were hard to come by.

Many people will miss the artist Yolanda Fiorentino Schofield; I miss Yo.

Ho Ho Hole

December 11—time to drag out the old physics-of-Christmas stories.

My favorite explains how it’s impossible for Santa to get his job done:

There are about 2 billion children in the world and even at one toy each, we have something like 400,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second to get around world in one night.

A simple calculation shows that Santa has 1/1000th of a second to pull up on a roof, park his sleigh, hop out, climb down the chimney, figure out who’s naughty and nice, distribute the presents, eat a snack, and say Ho, Ho, Ho, all without waking the household. Then he goes back up the chimney, gets back into the sleigh, dusts off his suit, and moves on to the next house.

Even though there’s not a lot of sleigh traffic up there, it’s not a feasible trip. Not just exhausting, but physically impossible.

But wait!

The naysayers are way behind the times. Have they never heard of worm holes? Wormholes are features of space-time that allow a shortcut through the universe.

Imagine you’re standing in a long line at the post office. You’re at one end of the room and the clerk is at the other. Now imagine a piece of paper with a stick figure representing you at one corner, and a figure at the diagonally opposite corner to represent the clerk. Fold the paper so that your stick figure is on top of the clerk’s.

See? You’ve just taken a shortcut to the head of the line.

In another version of worm hole demonstration, dots are placed at opposite corners of a piece of paper, the paper is folded, having the dots touch, and the same effect is seen.

That’s what Santa does. With a little math and a dash of relativity theory we can show that, in fact, with every stop, Santa can come out of the chimney before he gets in!

No problem making all those stops.

So, yes, Virginia, relatively speaking, Santa can do it!

Now if only I could find the right wormhole to get me through Bay Area freeways.

A Theory of Movies

For a variety of reasons, I don’t review books. The biggest is that I might run into the author in a dark alley or at a conference.

But I have no such restriction on movie reviews. Hence my review of A THEORY OF EVERYTHING. In a nutshell:

1. Amazing performances by all the principals. In case you’re wondering if Emily Watson is old enough to be the mother of Felicity Jones—she is, barely, older by 16 years.

2. Great cinematography, if that’s the word for beautiful views of Cambridge.

So far so good, but WHERE’S THE BEEF? SCIENCE?

I know the movie is being billed as the story of the relationship between Stephen Hawking and his first wife, Jane, but couldn’t there be SOME science? Maybe 10 minutes worth instead of the 4 we were treated to? One potato-and-pea analogy does not science make.

I can’t help thinking that if we were watching the story of a “brilliant” athlete, we’d be treated to scene after scene of tackles, hoops, swings, twirls, and goals.

Maybe quantum mechanics doesn’t lend itself to such action shots, but how about head shots for a change? Maybe someone can figure out how to show multicolored brain activity while explaining worm holes and general relativity?

I’m going to try THE IMITATION GAME next. It’s billed as English mathematician and logician, Alan Turing, helps crack the Enigma code during World War II.

Let’s see how much mathematics and logic have been allowed to seep in.