This week, The Real Me is trying something new. My writer friend, Alyx Morgan, and I became engaged in a dialogue on Facebook, and decided to take the discussion to our blogs. Here’s the text, which will also be on Alyx’s blog tomorrow, with her comments.

Camille: What’s your response when you see people sitting at a table, each using a portable device?

What’s your response if the people are each reading a book?

What if a teenager comes to the dinner table with her phone? With a book? With knitting?

Alyx: There have recently been lots of videos posted on social media lately about the disconnectivity caused from people constantly being on their smartphones.  I’m sure you’ve seen these people; walking, head bent downward, seemingly fascinated by the small electronic device nestled between their hands.  The videos talk about putting down the phone & getting back in real touch with the world around you; your friends, nature, your community. One in particular suggests that when you “connect” with the world via your phone, you’re actually lonely, because you can edit your life into a beautiful 148 character version of what’s really happening, or a simple snapshot or meme with a few pithy words attached.  This same video, however, says that it’s not loneliness to spend time alone, reading a book, or meditating or even dining out alone, because you’re being a “productive & present, not reserved & recluse.”  Do you agree with that, or do you think you’re being just as recluse if your nose is stuck in a book as if it’s stuck staring at your screen?

Do you feel we’re more connected nowadays than before cell phones & social media, or less, or both?

Camille: Great question, Alyx. I think there’s a bigger issue around this — Ludditism! One of my missions in life has been to defend technology against bad press. When I hear someone refer to reading a “real” book, for example because they like the smell and feel, I wonder what kinds of books thehave. Mine are all just paper, and smell a lot like my Kindle.

Alyx:  I actually had to look up Luddite, Camille, to make sure I fully understood the term.  I don’t think that technology is entirely evil, but I think some people take it too far & use it too much as a way to fill up a void that they fear is there.  I think this is often the case with regards to cell phones & those who are on them constantly.  It’s like my step-daughter who says she’s bored unless we’re doing something.  There are SO many other things to spend your time on that will actually progress your life instead of just sitting around & checking & rechecking Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/etc. for the latest funny memes or to find out what your friends are eating for lunch.

I even know some people who will have the TV on in the background (often muted) while doing something else on their computer &/or listening to music through their headphones.  That constant barrage of electronic stimuli would drive me insane.  Maybe I’m just wired in a way that it’s too much noise in my head & I want to pay attention to it all, but can’t, so I become exhausted by trying to divide my attention.

I will say that I’m of the former group with regards to books, though not quite for the same reasons.  While I definitely notice a scent to books (especially older ones), my preference is because the typeface is bigger & it’s easier for me to hold a book, rather than a small, half-inch thick device.  Plus, I stare at a computer screen all day long at, so I prefer to give my eyes a rest when reading.  I do see the benefit of being able to have 5 (or 25) books all in one small device, rather than having to lug them around on vacation, but I just don’t think I’d ever be able to do it.

Something else that drives me crazy about technology is when people who are out dining with others sit at the table with their noses buried in their cell phones.  It seems rude to me to ignore someone who’s sitting right there next to you in favor of someone who may be miles away.  What’s your take on that?

Camille: We’re not too far off, Alyx, but I admit a bias toward “the latest” and toward noise. I grew up with the sounds of people/city above, below, and around me — never lived in a single, separate house until well into middle age. So I do like the comfort of noises! I understand the need to get away from a screen, however. One reason I like my e-reader is that I can make the font as large as I need and even though it’s a screen it seems be more in my control.

As far as dinner — I think it depends on a mutually agreed upon “rules.” If I know my dinner (or shopping or driving) companion is annoyed by devices, I refrain. If I know my companion is also dying to check her email, then we go for it!

And often the connections are part of the conversation. “Oh, Ian just told me he passed his test.” or “Can you make lunch with us on the 20th?”

Alyx: I agree that if both (or all) parties are okay with it, then it’s none of my business.  My husband & I have been known to go out to dinner together & bring separate books to read.  We don’t do it often, but sometimes that’s the only time we have to read & I kind of think of it as no different than when couples read the Sunday paper together on the couch or over breakfast.  We put the books down when food arrives & relate to each other then, but we still got a little bit of down time in our fantasy worlds.

So, if you’re into the “latest”, how much time do you spend on your smartphone?  Do you spend a lot of time on social media with your smartphone?

Camille: I use my smartphone for Internet only when I’m on travel, pretty much only to check email and take pictures. My eyesight isn’t good enough to do too much FB or videos on my smartphone. Sorry I misled you about “the latest” which refers mainly to our home “entertainment” system, not portables. My husband is a retired tv engineer, so we’re the early adopters w/r satellite dishes, dvrs, and so on. Which means we’re left with a laser disc player and other now outmoded devices!

I agree about being together but engaged in something else, something that’s likely to be shared in the end, like reading a book, on screen or off. My husband and I do separate puzzles together, calling out for help from one chair to the other.

I wonder how often that’s happening when we think people are “not connecting?”

I do have one awful story about phones – a woman pushing a stroller was crossing a huge intersection in front of me not long ago as I was waiting to make a right turn, cars stacked behind me. She had one hand on the stroller and one holding the phone, her head buried in the phone. Unsafe! There’s a line to draw.

Alyx: I agree, that’s SO unsafe!  And I think that’s one of my main problems with this trend . . . people who can’t seem to take their eyes off their phones for even 5 minutes!  It’s almost like people are afraid they’ll miss something important if they focus on “mundane” things like having dinner with your family, walking, or (heaven forbid) driving!  If you’re sitting down somewhere & invested in your phone, that’s one thing (except for when parents use the phone as a babysitter for their young children), but when you’re doing some other activity, put the phone down & focus on that activity!  I promise, the message or Facebook status update will still be there when you arrive at your destination.

Camille: Yes, safety first! There’s another aspect of this, maybe for another time, and that is that often our jobs require constant availability. Even if we’re freelancing, our clients expect us to be ON all the time, for appointments, cancellations, last minute questions. There’s a different expectation than there used to be, say 20 years ago, maybe even 10. In a sense, we do run the risk of missing something if we’re around at the “right” time.

Remember to get Alyx’s take on this at https://morganalyx.wordpress.com on Friday 5/29/15.