It’s Award season: Peoples’ Choice, SAG, Golden Globes. I love them all. And now that we have the Oscar nominations, I can plan my party.

My Oscar party has its roots in a conversation I had more than 30 years ago. I went into work the day after the show and engaged in animated discussion with the women in my group—we talked about the movies, the fashions, the speeches, who arrived with whom. Once we realized we’d all watched the show alone, our male partners refusing to participate, we knew we had to get together for the following year’s gala. We did, and have been gathering ever since, except that now males are also welcome and attend the party in almost equal numbers.

One of the consistent features of the shows through the years has been the lame acceptance speeches by otherwise extraordinarily talented performers.

If you do the math, it makes no sense: if you are 1 of 5 people on the planet who have been nominated for a category, how can you be stunned when you win? Happy, yes. A tad surprised that you beat out the other 4, yes. But stunned? I don’t think so.

So why don’t the winners have an acceptance speech ready?

Here’s a group who can memorize a whole movie script; you’d think they’d be able to handle a list of names of people to thank. Makes you wonder how many takes each of those movie scenes required.

Maybe they’re going for spontaneity, you say. Hello, they’re ACTORS. They can fake spontaneity with a well-written script.

If they can’t write a speech, they can hire someone. (I’m raising my hand here.) They hire experts to take care of hair, nails, make-up, jewelry, shoes, gowns and tuxes. They can hire an expert to write a little speech. How much could it cost? I’d do it for free if I could sit in the audience.

But most likely I’ll be in my own home that night, with other fans, making our own choices, choosing the best and worst outfits.

Not to mention names, but a recent Golden Globe winner, one of my favorite actresses, wore a dress that looked like it had been cut from one of my old habits. And she pretty much blew the “well done speech” thing.

As you see, I’m getting ready for the party! If you’re close, come on by!