A while ago, the LadyKillers topic was “The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Written.”

Finally, an easy topic. Though there were a few contenders, this “limerick” from the last century has my top vote. I wrote it in the ’80s, and—wonder of wonders—SOLD it to a magazine for $25.

(OK, it’s an Underwood, but have you ever tried to write rhymes with underwood?)

Driving Miss Royal

There once was a writer named Royal.

To her keys and her carriage so loyal.

She knew how to white-out,

Typed books with the light out,

She really was quite a smart goyal.

Our Royal could type like a racer;

No one in sight could out pace her.

She typed with great speed

And never did need

Even a tiny eraser.

But poor Royal was out making copies

When they came with the wires and floppies.

A computer they brought her

And said that she ought-er

Start learning or go and plant poppies.

So Royal met up with a cursor

And her life just got worser and worser.

In spite of her wiles

She lost all her files

And spoke in words terser and terser.

Our writer friend couldn’t believe

That software could novels retrieve.

Her disks she would whack

With alas and alack

And for her lost typewriter grieve.

For many ’tis ever so tiring

To figure out manuals and wiring.

But our Royal’s a leader,

A mystery reader,

In days she was back in there firing.

Now Royal performs any feat

With options, escape, and delete.

She does her off-loading

With no more foreboding

And menus for her are a treat.

And now for the rest of the news:

Royal is off on a cruise.

From her PC
She gets efficiency.

There’s gold in them there CPU’s!

©Camille Minichino 1989 (Yes, I actually thought I needed to protect this!)